In Cold Blood...

" Perry Smith's life had been no bed of roses, but a pitiful, an ugly and lonely process toward one mirage or another..."

This book made me feel like a horrible person and a sympathetic and caring one.

I hated Dick for what he did, and how easily he got over it. I mourned for the Clutters, disgusted that someone would erase an entire family. I cried for Holcomb- I wanted to get  up in front of the whole town and tell them it was going to be okay. I wanted justice-I wanted Dick to pay for what he did.

Good so far?

Perry.

Oh, Perry.

While reading the book, I didn't hate Perry as much as I did Dick [Capote! Stop being manipulative!], but I still thought he deserved a punishment.

But.

Ah, there's always a "but"!

I had to go and watch "Capote"--NOT the whole thing! I don't recommend that!-- and when Capote was shown interviewing Perry in that prison cell, I could tell Perry was scared, I could feel it. and I could even sense regret as he told Capote his story. I wanted to save him! I felt bad for a murderer! Then, when Capote went and said his final goodbyes, I cried. Dick was joking around and being a jerk, But Perry was scared

sad

afraid...

of leaving Truman,

of leaving the world,

of himself,

of what was waiting for him.

And I cried! I felt so pathetic! I sat in the back corner of my English class and cried.

Now, I know!

They were only actors. It was a movie. 

But, seeing Perry portrayed as a person was the first time I saw him as human.

When i was reading, I just thought of him as a murdering...thing. I was stuck in my own mind. I didn't want him to become a person because I didn't want to feel bad for him. I put up a wall.

Capote tried soo hard. He pounded on the wall-beat at it, tore at it, trying desperately to get me to see Perry the way he saw Perry. It took some actor's portrayal and two movie scenes for me to let him win.

I love when books do that-when they pull soooo much emotion out of you.

I'm still not sure what I think of Perry. I am not condoning what he did,

but now he's a person.